The fear and anxiety about death is a normal part of human lives. We understand that it is inevitable and that all of us will soon get there. Of course, some death experiences can be brutal, and we all don’t want that. None of us wish to deal with the unpleasant aftermath of death from scenarios such as murder, accidents, and fatal injuries that can kill us instantly. But sadly, there is this one specific type of death that we feel reasonable and acceptable at some point. It is the death of a severe medical health condition, such as cancer.
Knowing That We Are About To Die
Perhaps the most significant advantage of having cancer is the idea that we have to accept death no matter what. Of course, for some of us, there is still a chance that they could manage to extend their lives through treatments, medications, and surgeries. Some can even survive and avoid deaths from chronic conditions. But for a couple of us who only have a limited amount of time, everything is like a finish line. We understand the end is coming, but we do not know when it will happen. We try and prepare ourselves every single day for death to come, and we wait for it. We try everything to make ourselves comfortable with the things around us because we know whatever we do; we will still die.
But the agony of knowing that we are about to die does not lie with the idea of accepting it. Instead, the worst part of it is leaving the ones we love behind. As cancer patients, our death is part of the moment that we will not witness anymore. Clearly, it is about the emotional battle of wanting to stay despite knowing we were about to leave. And because we do not want our loved ones to feel emotional about our situation, we try to convince them that we are okay with death. But the truth is, we are afraid and terrified.
The Mental And Emotional Torture
For some of us with severe conditions and a limited time left, we know there is only a small hope hanging around in the back of our mind. So as much as possible, we make the most out of our time. It becomes ideal for us to demand so much from our friends and family because we believe that every second is essential. We have this mentality that since we are about to die, our loved ones should consider allowing their lives to revolve around us. We become so selfish of wanting and demanding everything. But it is not because we want to make their lives miserable, of course. We are just afraid to tell them not to forget us once we disappear on earth.
Knowing that death is near creates an emotional and mental strain on every part of us. But we understand that we have to fake it to save everybody’s well-being. We try not to feel bad about the situation, and we try our best not to feel sorry for ourselves. We want the people around us to remember us as happy and satisfied with life. That is despite the truth that we are not entirely ready, pulling up our baggage. We emotionally and mentally torture ourselves by forcing it to believe that we are okay with death, even if we somehow wish to live more. And that is the saddest part of knowing the end.
For ordinary people who are not experiencing our end-of-the-line situation, I would say they are lucky. Not because they get to live longer than us, but because they can manage to stay happy whenever they want. They do not worry about tomorrow because they have all the time they need to make the most out of their lives. They are lucky because they do not suffer from fear of death in silence. And most of all, they can spend time with their families without the worry of unexpectedly leaving them behind.
Honestly, as much as we want to make people believe that we are okay with death, some of us still find reasons to hate it. We always question why God allows it to happen. We still have that moment where we want everything to end, but we know wasting the little amount of time we have left is not a good idea. Some of us cancer patients still want to live, even those who know they can’t physically make it. Some of us want to beg for another life, even though we know it is impossible. Some of us want to fight to be with our family, even if we know it is useless.
With all this in mind, perhaps the next time you will look at us, things will become a little more different. In case it is still possible, please hold us and reassure us that you will love us forever once we are gone.